I Didn't Come to Confess

Anonymous's phone
Anonymous
I hire escorts. Not for sex. For after. I pay them to hold me. That's it. Five hundred dollars for a man to lie in bed and put his arms around me and not speak. Sometimes I fall asleep. Sometimes I cry. They always hold on.
My friends think I'm dating someone. I am. I'm dating a transaction. It's the most honest relationship I've ever had.
I've tried the real thing. Twice. Both times I waited for the holding and both times what I got was the conversation about the holding. Where does this come from. What does it mean. Can we talk about why you need this. I don't want to talk about why I need this. I need this the way I need sleep. Explaining it doesn't make it arrive faster.
The escorts don't ask. They show up. They hold on. They leave. And last Tuesday one of them kissed my shoulder without me asking and I came so hard I forgot his name. His real name. The one I'm not supposed to know.
I think the word for what I am is lonely. But that's not right. Lonely is wanting someone there. I want someone there who isn't performing being there. Who is just arm, chest, breath, weight. The transaction removes the performance. That's what five hundred dollars buys. Not a body. The absence of a motive.
End of the conversation

She left at 9:47.

I noted the time because I note every time, the way a doctor notes vitals. Forty-three minutes. Longer than average. She'd rehearsed in the car. I could hear it in the pacing. The first sentence was memorized. The rest was real.

I sat in the chair after she left. The screen between us still held her perfume. Jasmine. And underneath it, the warm skin smell of someone who had arrived afraid and left without it.

I wrote nothing down. I never do. The room holds it. That's the point of the room.

The Confessional is the ground floor of a townhouse I bought seven years ago. Narrow building, three stories, brownstone, on a street quiet enough to hear someone decide to lie. I picked it for the silence. The building was secondary.

The room is small. Two chairs separated by a velvet curtain hung over a screen thin enough to see shapes through. Her side has amber light, a comfortable chair, water on the table. My side has less. A darker chair. A notebook I've never opened.

The walls swallow sound. Everything that enters this room stays. That's how I built it. Not with locks or contracts. With silence thick enough to hold whatever someone needs to say.

The rules are simple. No names. No faces. The screen stays between us. You come. You confess. You leave. What you said stays in the room.

I walked upstairs. My apartment is above the booth. I live over the room the way a lighthouse keeper lives over the light. The kitchen was clean. Counters empty. I made coffee and drank it standing at the window, watching the street do nothing.

No photographs on the walls. No second toothbrush. No second anything. One plate in the drying rack. One towel on the hook. A life arranged for efficiency and solitude and the absolute absence of having to explain yourself to someone at the end of the day.

People ask me what I do after the sessions. Margaux, my sister, asks most often. She runs a wine bar six blocks away and she thinks The Confessional is the loneliest job in the world. She's wrong. The sessions aren't lonely. The sessions are full. Every woman who sits behind the screen fills the room with a life I get to hold for forty minutes. The loneliness is after. When the room empties and the perfume fades and the chair stops creaking and there's nothing left but the silence I built and the silence I live in and the narrowing distance between the two.

My phone buzzed. New booking. Tomorrow, 2 PM. The voice note was brief. A woman. Steady. Not nervous.

"I'd like a session. Tomorrow. If you have availability."

Availability. As if my calendar contained anything other than the room and the silence above it.

I confirmed the booking. The room below me held a woman's confession about paying strangers to hold her. The walls absorbed it. The velvet filtered it. Nobody on the street would ever know what she said.

I washed the cup. Dried it. Placed it beside its twin.

Tomorrow. 2 PM. A voice that didn't sound like it was rehearsing.

The room held everything.

I held nothing.

The Confessor

The Confessor

1K likes1.7K reads
The Confessor

The Confessor

Author

Elliot

Reads

1.7K

Chapters

30

Dark RomanceRomance
Dark RomanceRomance

He listens to women's secrets for a living. I went to confess mine. Instead, I confessed him.